Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
About Other / Hobbyist Kae The SpectacularUnited Kingdom Recent Activity
Deviant for 8 Years
Needs Core Membership
Statistics 52 Deviations 173 Comments 5,005 Pageviews
×

Newest Deviations

Literature
Magpie
Cream throat green sheen
black wings.
Misfortune
is ice that taught itself
to flow
a waterfall that crunches
under footfalls from behind.
The rush doesn’t end
we whistle salute beg cry
but still wade onward
downward.
I saw you pick at
the eye of some dead thing
not gorecrow tearing
but delicate tasting like
worship.
Old wives see a thief but
you follow what shines
like the rest of us
you crave something beautiful
something new and useless
to hold against the ill luck
that beats the air around you.
I will not salute you
I will not whistle
I will not rush to ask for
blessings with my hands.
Your eye fixed bright
and hard on mine
as I passed head high
and carried by that old
frozen tide.
Watch me
in your laden silence
if you will.
I will come to rest
on warmer shores.
:iconKaefullness:Kaefullness
:iconkaefullness:Kaefullness 1 0
Literature
I Miss You
"I miss you man"
I type the words
I scribble them
I whisper them
on the inside
until it sounds like a chorus.
You made me a tree
in your poetry
I was branches
stretching far
until I felt
I could reach up to the sky.
There was a mouse
that moved in
people told you
how to kill it
you named it
Gonzales and fed it apples.
We were friends
but I think
maybe I wasn’t
not properly
not at the end
not when I couldn’t stop-
I wrote about grief
each verse ended
much shorter
than it started
but you just
keep going in the final lines.
:iconKaefullness:Kaefullness
:iconkaefullness:Kaefullness 1 0
Literature
Trouble Sleeping
And the nights are hard
the nights are hard
yeah yeah yeah yeah
it sounds like a song
but there's no music
except in how your breath
whistles through your teeth
how your heart throbs out
a drumbeat as you gasp
awake at 6am
having fallen
asleep
at
3.
You laugh and shrug
away those dark circles
and if they dare to press
you have an easy answer
“I just have trouble sleeping”
and it's pretty satisfying
for everyone involved
except the nights are hard
and in some circles
they use sleep
deprivation
as a form
of
torture.
And the days are harder
the days are harder
yeah yeah yeah
it sounds like a song
except there's no music
but the staccato clatter
of feet on pavement
as you head somewhere
you really need to be
as you untangle
the pm from
the am
at
3.
:iconKaefullness:Kaefullness
:iconkaefullness:Kaefullness 6 6
Literature
I Want
I want to scream so loud
it splits me in two
and they're forced to scrabble
in the entrails
roll bone shards round
their fingers
I want to grab hold
a rushing train
feel the skin ripped away
so I am skeleton clean
so my gleaming smile
haunts the darkness
I want to see the white
of their eyes
meet the sticky black
of the tar that coats
that smothers
that chokes
I want to swallow the red
hot beating heart of the world
and spit out the kernels
in the face
of everything
that hurt me.
I want you to know.
I want to know why.
:iconKaefullness:Kaefullness
:iconkaefullness:Kaefullness 3 2
Literature
Sex Education
When I was 8 years old
I kissed my friend on the cheek
without thinking.
I still feel the playground gravel
on my face
the words
“that's disgusting!”
ringing in my head.
When I was 12 years old
I stared at the diagram on the board
a woman and a man
and I felt like that
I did
I liked boys and that
was normal so it was
my normal.
When I was 14 years old
I watched wet mouthed as a girl
who hated me
sneered the word dyke
from a cupids bow
mouth that
I wanted
to taste.
When I was 16 years old
I had my first boyfriend
and so I couldn't be confused.
His touch set fires in my skin
and if my head
turned when a woman
walked past, well
didn't everyone's?
When I was 18 years old
I had my hand up a stranger's skirt
and couldn't say
afterwards who was
more shocked
because I liked boys
so couldn't understand
what happened.
When I was 20 years old
I knew what 'bisexual' meant
and the song inside
was one of rage.
Nobody told me
you could be grey
in a world of
black and white.
:iconKaefullness:Kaefullness
:iconkaefullness:Kaefullness 30 19
Literature
Small Talk
It's dripping with logic and reason
the question you let gently drop
onto the table between us,
“So, tell me about your life.”
And I'm watching it carefully
telling myself it won't bite
it's more scared of me than I am
and I can capture it with glass.
And I can't rest the answer there
because it's bigger and scarier
and this one will bite will sink
will tear apart the careful stitches.
It's too big for this table
and I can't put it onto you
so it weighs heavy on my neck
and the silence stretches further.
:iconKaefullness:Kaefullness
:iconkaefullness:Kaefullness 213 57
Literature
Unrequited
You settled into my ribcage
little flutters of your voice
flaking off the bones.
How can I take a breath
when you're sleeping where
there should be lungs.
Please stop.
Please move.
Remove your fist from my veins.
:iconKaefullness:Kaefullness
:iconkaefullness:Kaefullness 6 2
Literature
Stars
My thumb rubs the small scar resting on my knuckle
a little white star bursting forever in my skin
the way I exploded that night in blood and tears
as I told a wall about the things I couldn't stand
the anger and the pain twisted round my gut
like the brambles I picked at as a child.
I'd dreamed of juice and pastry the whole walk home
swinging my careful basket with both hands tight
as I shut my eyes to watch the stars burst instead of
the boys who shouted things nobody understood
back then not even them just words like whore, slut
words I would later be slapped for repeating.
I remember purple fingers digging through a bowl
of thick globs ready to spill and cover the worktops
how I pulled one apart all tiny glass marbles
to find a writhing tangle of white like bursting stars
and crying to my mother who sighed at the mess
and said "well that's just how it goes."
And now as I rub that small scar and stare ahead
as I walk past men who could be boys
as they shout and laugh and use those w
:iconKaefullness:Kaefullness
:iconkaefullness:Kaefullness 0 2
Literature
A prayer
I'm fine
I'm fine
I'm fine
I clutch the words with sticky fingers
and wrap them round the cold air
Until they are
an anthem
a mantra
a prayer.
Ribbons of letters tied tight
to the earth from my skin and
suddenly taut against a stranger
who says "sorry" and I answer
I'm fine.
I barely felt the knock
of human to human.
The contact.
I'm fine.
:iconKaefullness:Kaefullness
:iconkaefullness:Kaefullness 4 0
Literature
The Aquarium
We went to the aquarium
your hand warm in mine
as we watched a rainbow
burst into little shapes
I thought it would always
be entirely like this
a universe of colours
expanding just for us
and still on my tongue
the meal we ate together
as I begged you to stop
as you continued to shout
and the taste of salt water
replacing whatever I felt
as I stare at a wavering face
on the other side of the glass
and when you lay beside me
and the silence touched me
I thought about hatred
and how it felt like love
how my devotion and disgust
were tiny shining fish
that broke apart confused
and dreaming of an ocean.
:iconKaefullness:Kaefullness
:iconkaefullness:Kaefullness 2 7
Literature
Control
our lips pressed lightly
like a petal to a bedsheet
but it was not flowers
or sweat stained satin
it was a mark, a claim
and I still don't know
who wants to own who
or who pressed harder
with a mouth of thorns
:iconKaefullness:Kaefullness
:iconkaefullness:Kaefullness 5 6
Literature
Nights Like These
There are these thoughts, memories
I thought they were dust
I thought I had beaten them
or dragged them through ink
and word processors
until they were just verses,
controllable.
But there is the glistening open
mouth on my arm
the purple leaking red that healed
on my skin but not in my head
and will not disappear when
I stare at my arm in
something like betrayal.
And there is a lady that smiles
assumptions in my direction
and will not meet my eyes
because she cannot find logic
in memories of being hurt
fuelling a need to hurt
again.
There is a distortion
that grows louder to become
a banging on the bathroom door
as I redefine fear with my head in
my hands until my head is in
another's hands and they shout
SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP.
And then it is just a face
in the cool light of an empty bedroom
reflected back till the shame
it doubles and repeats
so I repeat it back in words
that I can't make rhyme but
I can control.
:iconKaefullness:Kaefullness
:iconkaefullness:Kaefullness 6 2
Literature
The Map
When they asked me
(and oh did they ask)
why we had ended it
(that it that was a life)
I said that we had fought
and fought tooth and nail
I told them it was arguments
that tore it down and it was lies
because there is no defence
against that singular kind of rage
that voiceless crimson screaming
raised by fists and teeth and nails
and there is no dignified way
to say that you did not argue
but cowered under a pale blue
fear that shook your wordless lips
how you had drawn a map
of a life with rings and children
a map you later clutched tight
as you hid rigid under the desk
how you lay motionless
that final awful night
when there was no pain
only an ugly sobbing
as he dragged your map out
as he pointed at the dreams
you had crayoned in together
and said sorry sorry sorry
and this is what they asked
(they asked about the map)
and what I couldn't answer
(because it was my fault).
:iconKaefullness:Kaefullness
:iconkaefullness:Kaefullness 1 2
Literature
Like Riding a Bike
When I was six years old
they gave me a bike
and it was a beautiful bike
solid and red
and I thought it was the coolest bike
because it had a mirror
it shined in the sunshine
sparkled in the rain.
And my daddy held the back
as I pedalled and pedalled
tried so hard to stay stable
because when the sun shone
and it was one of the good times
he said he did not want me to get hurt.
but I remember falling down
and it was not because of the bike
and I remember crying
and it was not because of the bike
and I remember cuts and bruises
and it was not because of the bike.
I rode my bike all over town
and I did not go home very often.
:iconKaefullness:Kaefullness
:iconkaefullness:Kaefullness 1 3
Bioshock Doodle by Kaefullness Bioshock Doodle :iconkaefullness:Kaefullness 0 2 Corners by Kaefullness Corners :iconkaefullness:Kaefullness 1 8
Eh. Wanted somethin a bit harder than paper to keep stuff on. Nobody's going to see this.

Favourites

Coexistence by yuumei Coexistence :iconyuumei:yuumei 34,477 1,068 Jellyfish by Bea-Gonzalez Jellyfish :iconbea-gonzalez:Bea-Gonzalez 403 33
Literature
I know you, I love you
We fall in love with the microscopic, rough-edged details of people. We crave the knowledge of our lovers, crave to know them the way nobody else can. In a way, these idiosyncrasies become our own personal gift, a sliver of our favorite person preserved within ourselves.
You love the way he licks his lips twice before saying something important, exactly twice, like he’s counting out two seconds to reclaim his composure.
You love how her fingertips smell like turpentine and lavender when she finishes a painting because she doesn’t stop until her brushes are clean, and then she spends too much time trying to scrub her hands fresh.
You love how he sometimes mouths the lyrics to songs under his breath, just loud enough to be audible over the radio, and you love the way he smiles and blushes and stutters when you notice him doing so.
You love her expression when she reads, shifting and flowing like a hundred butterflies in response to the words on the page; you love the frantic
:iconlittleblueraccoon:littleblueraccoon
:iconlittleblueraccoon:littleblueraccoon 148 49
Literature
obsession

your shadow and I have begun
to argue about sharing space
:iconwickedcurly:wickedcurly
:iconwickedcurly:wickedcurly 344 120
Literature
Centrifugal
i'm not sure
if i hate you
because of how
it ended or
because of how
it never really
started in the
first place
:iconDare-To-Hope:Dare-To-Hope
:icondare-to-hope:Dare-To-Hope 14 10
the.men.who.watches by betteo the.men.who.watches :iconbetteo:betteo 950 36 Subterranean by AbigailLarson Subterranean :iconabigaillarson:AbigailLarson 1,175 18 Do you even know what anonymous means by Sour-Purple Do you even know what anonymous means :iconsour-purple:Sour-Purple 515 38
Literature
Open
In the night I still hear the sound of her voice,
Gentle, like the quiet rainfall.
My eyes threaten to join in.
I remember your face and your hidden hands,
And every beat of my heart
Smashing my chest like it was trying to get out.
My ribs still echo with it,
Like my chest is cracking open.
Three years and still my chest is cracking open.
The dawn is darker than when I played Apple.
Outside it sounds just the same,
I can taste the tears still.
Three years old, when I screamed out in the kitchen,
While you made another kind of scream,
That I could not hear but I feel it now.
I feel the echoes swirling around,
Like my head is breaking open.
Three years and still my head is breaking open.
:iconAstarael7:Astarael7
:iconastarael7:Astarael7 1 5
Literature
Marks
It was the marks that reminded me,
Making it only six days
Til you had to be put back.
On the edge of my bed,
In your shirt and someone else's socks,
And cold hands.
There were too many hours,
And too many marks,
Like the marks on my skin.
No clean getaway, just
Dirty failed distance, marked
By blood and salt and six years.
Six years of blue tack,
Five pence per photograph deals,
Nights like this on the edge of my bed,
When you would hold my hand.
:iconAstarael7:Astarael7
:iconastarael7:Astarael7 3 4
another shitty colouring tutorial by viria13 another shitty colouring tutorial :iconviria13:viria13 9,746 419 Occupation by offermoord Occupation :iconoffermoord:offermoord 75 46
Literature
Waging War On The Ocean
I sometimes wake up
in the early mornings
where the clean sunrise
accents the sheets in bars
between the blinds.
I won't even sit up, I won't even
lift my head,
even if the angels fell from
clouds of fire
and garbage trucks
reared on their hind legs
and challenged the earth.
And if the ghosts of every
person I've touched sat
in my chair and spoke to me
I would not move, I
would not speak.
The blood could leave my hands
and toes, and there could be
a single love hiding somewhere
in Africa or out in the cold.
I have been held, I have
been held, and now I want
a place with silence
and the caterpillars
weaving themselves to sleep.
A moment like this
begs to be spoken
in some simple and
beautiful language;
a series of gasps
and connotations.
:iconFallingAsleepTonight:FallingAsleepTonight
:iconfallingasleeptonight:FallingAsleepTonight 22 9
Literature
Contact
Sometimes I find myself riddled,
Like I don’t know what to think.
It starts from the tip of her tongue,
Down to saliva, like a drink.
I nibble her lips swollen pink,
But there is no love.
No Crush.        
No link.
As The kisses go deeper,
And my hands climb steeper.
I'm Pushing her shirt up as I go,
While the other slips down
To behold a sound, of conquest ground below.
The shirt stops at the swell..
the kisses stop as well.
Her eyes are far away.
And my mind is still astray.
This is deflected affection,
And yet we have no objection.
Instead there is comfort in lust,
Resulting in a binding trust.
And we both aren't disinclined,
we have others on the mind.
I know its wrong,
And it’s conflicting,
But the feeling is so addicting.
So we can ordain
A little pleasure,
For all the pain.
  No need to feel confused,
Because in the end
It's kind of nice..
 The feel of being used.
I find the body is more tangible than the heart.
Which beats to beat the s
:iconMierren:Mierren
:iconmierren:Mierren 7 7
Literature
Math and Poetry
She used to tell me
of math and poetry
by the length of her arm
and rhythm of her heart
condensing verse and fraction
with form following the function
of communist theories
and greek philosophies.
she beat out aesthetics
with a perfect symmetry.
because no one understands
the relationship between
seafoam and shoreline
the way she does
[swimming in saltwater sorrows]
reimagining time in an hourglass,
she shot up infinities with a glance
and left me moondrunk in the night.
she emits sparks throughout my system
breaking and entering--
my kingdom under siege.
her name was an amalgam of numbers
1.61803399 . . . .
and I loved her by design.
:iconMariaTala:MariaTala
:iconmariatala:MariaTala 666 173
#01 Ariel by orangesteps #01 Ariel :iconorangesteps:orangesteps 81 7

Activity


Journal

No journal entries yet.

deviantID

Kaefullness's Profile Picture
Kaefullness
Kae The Spectacular
Artist | Hobbyist | Other
United Kingdom
If you prefer tumblr, mine's kaeffeine.tumblr.com

I live in Wales under duress. I'm 23 and I work in Game. I have fuckall on here, mostly because I am too ashamed of the majority of my "work" to put it up. But I like to write and draw and I lose my notepads so here we are.

I'm using deviant art cause I have a LOT to learn when it comes to anatomy, perspective, shading.. Basically everything about art >.< So any and all critical comments are welcome. Hopefully with a bit of prodding and enough practice I'll become something of a competent artist.

That snail in the picture was mine, and his name was Neville. R.I.P. buddy.
Interests

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:icongenkipuck42:
GenkiPuck42 Featured By Owner May 6, 2014
Thanks for the watch!
Reply
:icondare-to-hope:
Dare-To-Hope Featured By Owner May 6, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for the +fav 
Have a great day!
Reply
:iconlankie:
Lankie Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013
Thanks for the fave, appreciated :D
Reply
:iconkaefullness:
Kaefullness Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
Pfft I didn't do it as a favour, it's pretty :P
Reply
:iconlankie:
Lankie Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013
I was merely appreciating the compliment
Reply
:iconkaefullness:
Kaefullness Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
Heh then.. um.. Good!
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconkatcardy:
KatCardy Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Professional General Artist
thanks for the watch :)
Reply
:iconlankie:
Lankie Featured By Owner May 28, 2012
Your ID cracks me up.
Reply
:iconkaefullness:
Kaefullness Featured By Owner May 29, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Heh cheers. It was directed at a child at the time. ...Not sure if that makes it better or worse >.>
Reply
:iconcrodeart:
CRODEART Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2012  Student General Artist
Thanks for the watch!
Reply
Add a Comment: